HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN PARENT-TEACHER MEETINGS One of the most difficult times parents face are the parent-teacher conferences at the end of each school term. Sometimes, parents are more anxious about these meetings than the students because they are facing an arena of the "unknown." When it comes to parent/teacher conferences parents often fit into one of three categories.
1. We need to feel in total control of the conference;
2. We feel intimidated by the teacher or
3. We have mutually safe and comfortable communication with educators.
Parents should feel comfortable and safe when they visit the school to discuss their students’ educational and behavioral achievement. Successful parent/teacher conferences lead to a successful educational experience for the student.
Some parents believe that a successful conference or meeting with the teacher is one where they win and the teacher loses. They come to the school with an agenda or complaint and they get their way. But if the teacher is reluctant or doesn’t share in the parent's sense of triumph, the student is the one who will ultimately lose. Also, if the parent is unrealistic about their child’s personality, behavior or academic abilities, the parent could unwittingly set their child up for failure.
On the other hand, some parents believe they can’t win. They might have had bad experiences before and they just don’t want to risk being overpowered by the teacher as an adult. Again, the student loses because the teacher never knows what the parent might be able to share to improve a student’s behavior or academic achievement.
The child needs a happy medium of negotiation between their parents and teachers.
Make sure you schedule and attend.
To have a successful parent/teacher conference or meeting, the parent needs first and foremost to consider their child’s needs as their first priority. Second, parents need to remember that the teacher is a human being. Teachers are professionals in their field and based upon all the courses and certifications required most teachers are clearly in the career of their choice. As parents, remember that you have only one chance to raise your child properly and you love your child more than anyone else ever can. With this in mind, prepare for this meeting as though you are preparing for an important business meeting.
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1. Preparing: Since you want the best for your child, complete an assessment of how you believe your child is doing in school, identify areas where you believe your child should improve, identify areas where you believe your child excels and write down any concerns or compliments your child has shared about the classroom experience.
2. Write the list: From your preparation, write a list which you will use for your agenda.
· First, write down positive details: Areas where you believe your child is excelling or improving in class.
· Second, write down areas of concern regarding achievement, behavior and negative feedback from your child.
· Third, MAKE RECOMMENDATIONS for change or to keep the status quo.
· Now, ask the teacher to provide you with their observations (AND WRITE THE RESPONSES):
a. REQUEST positive observations and achievements relative to your child (don’t let the teacher off the hook. If they can’t find anything positive, make sure you make a note of this along with any reasons the teacher might give). When teachers have nothing good to share about a child, this is a strong indication of a teacher issue which must be addressed by the school administrator.
b. Specific areas of concern regarding achievement and behavior. As the teacher to be specific and ask them how they have responded to these negative areas. Do not defend your child. Write down the teacher’s responses and think about it. Is this totally different from your experience?
c. Ask for a solution where you can participate. If the teacher is having an experience you believe is foreign to your child, calmly and professionally let the teacher know. Sometimes behavior problems are the result of the student not being challenged or being overly challenged. Sometimes the solution might be simply getting glasses or moving the student to the front of the class so they can see.
d. Then, promise to follow up and come to a reasonable plan to seek improvements. You might ask the teacher to sign the student’s agenda or buy a “composition notebook” where pages cannot be torn out without your noticing. Ask the teacher to write something in the agenda or notebook each day they are in class. Again, call the teacher periodically at a time when you both agree to identify positive and negative reports.
IMPORTANT – HOMEWORK FOR YOU:
e. If you totally disagree with the teacher’s assessment, go home and begin to observe your child. Also, ask your child about the classroom situations without being specific. Remember, your child is not perfect and though one teacher might have a bad experience with your child, it’s something you need to follow up with the child. It is never okay for children to disrespect adults or to refuse to complete their assignments. Similarly, teachers have specific guidelines to follow in the classroom.
f. If you need to go to the school administrator, take all of your notes and share the good, the bad and the ugly in a reasonable, professional manner.
g. BE REALISTIC: Do not rationalize your child’s bad behavior or poor achievement by trying to point out deficiencies in the teacher. Your focus should be foremost on your child. If a teacher has a terribly negative effect on your child, ask other parents about their experiences and consult with the school counselor, assistant principal, principal and then go to the Superientendent. | A variety of outcomes usually result from successful parent/teacher conferences. When teachers know that parents are truly concerned about their child, they will make sure the parent is contacted on a timely basis if the student is not working up to their potential. Parents will find out first hand if their child receives and completes homework, and about a variety of enrichment opportunities offered at the school. Teachers and parents will develop a bond where the student will receive all of the benefits.
In rare cases, a student might have a learning disability or a hidden talent which neither the parent nor the teacher recognizes until they share notes. If a child needs glasses, is dyslexic, or is not being challenged in a classroom, they can become disruptive. Also, sometimes teachers and students have a personality conflict. Remember, teachers are people too. In this situation, you have a right to bring this to the attention of the school administrator without pointing fingers or blaming the teacher. Then, watch to see if this behavior is repeated in other classes. If it does, you need to address your child’s behavior and stop making excuses.
When children are truly causing problems in the classroom and refusing to complete their work, you need to seek solutions as soon as possible. If you make excuses and imagine your child is not causing the problem…that it’s the teacher or the school, you are setting your child up for failure. Your child will learn to become manipulative and disrespectful to adults. Eventually, teachers will just pass your child on or ignore their negative behavior without trying to help them. Then, at the end of the year you will find out that your child cannot be promoted to the next grade. Or, they may do just enough to get by but in 12th grade, you will find out that your child cannot graduate because they can’t pass the graduation test.
Remember, your child is your first and last priority of every day. They are more important than your job, your friends and your social activities. They are irreplaceably your greatest assets. Your job is to help your children develop into healthy, prosperous, law abiding adults. Helping them enjoy a successful educational career as a vital and active team member is a huge investment which you will never regret.
Teachers are professional managers who are in charge of providing educational information and tools to approximately 120 students each day. Approach them with this understanding and your parent-teacher conference should go well... It is important to practice the method of becoming a team member. This does not mean always doing what they WANT but seeking to do what is best for them. January 2007
Reverend Marcia Bowman
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